Well, I haven't written in awhile, which could mean good things because there is no bad news to tell.  I had another 3 month follow-up with my oncologist, Dr. Pruitt, a few weeks ago.  My bloodwork and exam with him went well and he said everything was looking good.  I don't go back again for 3 more months, which doesn't bother me too much.  I hate (I know that it t is a strong word) walking into a cancer center and the fear that comes over my mind and stomach of the unknown.  I think the unknown will always haunt me after having cancer.  I'm going to be honest when I say that I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about my cancer returning.  Every ache, pain, and new symptom that I have makes my mind wonder towards cancer thoughts.  Believe me when I say that do not want to feel or think this way because I don't want cancer to have that control over me, but I can't seem to get past it yet.  A good friend of mine who has gone through breast cancer years ago told me that those thoughts gets less with time.  She didn't deny having them still.  It's like this cloud that hangs over me, and frankly it is hard to see the light sometimes through this cloud.  I want to let the light (God) shine through and give it all over to him, but my inadequacies and insecurities seem to take over this part of my life.  I feel so helpless sometimes.  Chris and I talked about it the other night and we agreed that we feel more stressed in our lives since my cancer.  We reminisced about the good old high school days when we only worried about what team we were playing in sports that week or what was the next "fun" thing we were going to do with our friends.  I miss those days.  Life is stressful and so overwhelming at times, but it is in these vulnerable times that I realize more than ever how much I need God.  When I feel sometimes like I'm lost and don't know where to place my foot for the next step, he somehow takes my foot and places it down exactly where it needs to be to help me find my path again.  Thanks be to God for his faithfulness at all times whether or not we are faithful and trusting of him in that moment.  I'm just so glad that I have a God who loves me for me and that he knows my heart fully.  He knows that I want to follow his will for my life and that I know he ultimately has my health in his hands.  I will trust him with all aspects of my life and serve him no matter what.

Speaking about serving him means that I need to spread his word and let people know about him.  I decided awhile back that I was going to start letting my patients know I am a Christian and that I am praying for them.  I started giving them a little bible verse card with a little saying on the back that I added.  It has been amazing how something so little has really opened up a door for my patients to not only share their faith but it seems that they trust me more too.  Their demeanor seems to suddenly change for the better.  In fact, today after I told my patient that I am praying for him, he asked me to pray right there for him.  I did this and it was so rewarding.  I love knowing that God can use each of us right where we are to change a life.  I encourage each of you to think of one little thing that might influence someone that you come into contact with at your work or in your daily life.  I promise that God will guide you to step out of your comfort zone and will reward you greatly by doing this.  God is good.

Well, the title of this update is "another surgery", and yes it is true that I am again going under the knife.  The only difference is that this one has nothing to do with my cancer stuff.  Many of you know that I was a very active young kid and playing many years of sports (even into college).  I guess I just never thought that all those fun years of sports would start hitting me so young.  I have been dealing with right shoulder pain and problems for about 7 years now.  I saw an orthopedic doctor 7 years ago, and he wanted to do surgery on me then but he passed away from cancer.  Then, I got moved to one of his partners who injected my shoulder a few times and then he moved to San Antonio.  At this point, I just dealt with my pain and treated myself up at work.  Starting in November or December of last year, my shoulder pain went from moderate to severe and began being constant.  I felt that something was stabbing me in the back of my shoulder and that my shoulder just feels like it is in a bad position.  I went to see a new orthopedic surgeon who ordered an MRI of my shoulder.  I soon found out why my shoulder was hurting so bad.  I have a rotator cuff tear, 2 possible labral tears, my acromion (bone on top of shoulder) is tilted downward and is pushing against my rotator cuff, biceps tendonitis, and bursitis.  Now I can confirm that I'm not being a baby about it.  I have legitimate shoulder problems.  Dr. Veazey and I decided that it was time for surgery in December.  I put it off, however, so I could go snow skiing with my husband's family (our yearly ski trip) in Feb.  Dr. Veazey ended up injected my shoulder to try to get me by until the surgery, but this only gave me a little relief for about 2 weeks.  This is actually one surgery that I am so ready for.  My surgery is on Wednesday morning, and I will be out of work for awhile.  I will have to wear an immobilizer for 6 weeks and will do physical therapy for awhile too.  I hope I make a good patient.  You know therapist make the worst patients sometimes!  Lol.  Well, I ask for prayers that my surgery will go great and be successful in making my shoulder feel better.  I need all my limbs to work properly for my job.  Well, I will leave you with prayer request.  Thanks again for following my story and for taking time to read my blog.  God bless and feel free to leave a comment if you feel inclined to do so.  Love - Shayla